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September 13th, 2006
12:05 am - to the mattresses
as transcribed by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) following.
the backstory:
Corey tells the story of a friend of hers (let's call her Mimi) trying to sell her boyfriend's old mattress on craigslist. Mimi posts a description of the mattress including the facts that it is in good condition, stain-free, and needs to be sold because the owner is moving in with their girlfriend. Mimi recieves an offer, responds (from her own email address), and recieves a response that includes the line "is this a lesbian mattress? because if so, it will be going to a lesbian home". Mimi later sets the record straight, but Corey's retelling of the story prompts the following brendansays:
Brendan: You gotta admit the lesbian mattress would be dirtier [than a heterosexual mattress]
Simon: Not at all! What do you think the most common mattress stain is?
B: But it would be different colors, right?
S: What do you mean? From blood?
B: Yes!
S: But that would be true of women generally.
B: But there are TWICE as many women!
...
B: But I guess they live together so they'd be on the same cycles.
...
B: That's what scares me about them.
...
B: Prejudice.
-------------------------
Edit: This was considerably funnier last night after 2 bottles of wine.
Current Music: On the phone with the gf, i think
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August 10th, 2006
01:58 pm
simon: http://www.adrants.com/images/paltrow_keep_child_alive.jpg
brendan: ha, that almost looks like Chris Martin hit her across the face with the back of his hand
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March 25th, 2006
01:24 pm - let's go cats!
"That guy looks like the caddy from Happy Gilmore.... Boone looks like a shower caddy."
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February 23rd, 2006
09:17 am - don't panic
regarding news that coldplay may be breaking up:
theres been an article like this probably once a month since 'chutes... fyi the ONLY british press I will ever trust is Q.... and that includes the financial times
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December 2nd, 2005
12:45 pm
matt: what did brendan think of the coldplay cover on the OC last night
simon: he had an interesting reaction
simon: 1. at the second note, he yelled "THIS IS YELLOW!!!"
simon: 2. at the fifth or sixth note, he yelled "OH MY GOD, I CAN'T RESPECT THIS"
simon: 3. then he got up and left the room momentarily
simon: 4. mid way through the song he admitted that it "wasn't that bad"
simon: 5. at the end where they list the band, he was cursing at the tv because they didnt show that part this week
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June 29th, 2005
10:18 am - tagged by enomalas
List five songs you are currently digging...it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the artists, and the five songs in your blog.
Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.
Embrace - Out of Nothing (omg, the title track from their most recent album - SOoooo good)
Oasis - Guess God Thinks I'm Abel
Echo & the Bunnymen - Seven Seas
Coldplay - Low (quickly becoming my fav from the disc, but of course that seems to change everyday)
New Order - Turn
ok...so now I have to tag someone?
following
seeing
goodphotoaday
...i don't know anybody else who hasn't already been chosen...even those are kinda cheating...
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June 28th, 2005
11:02 am - ctu
simon: so my new boss started today.
brendan: oh cool. did she walk in to the office flanked by her posse division-style?
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February 11th, 2005
06:26 pm
"That pizza came through in the clutch last night... I know, there's no such thing as a clutch pizza."
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January 5th, 2005
07:43 pm
matt: i saw the funniest movie yesterday!
matt: prepared to laugh?
brendan: do i have to open a link?
brendan: i'm watching nova...may not be able to laugh
brendan: ...although we are winning
matt: oh for a minute there
matt: i thought you meant Nova
matt: like the PBS show
brendan: NOVA
matt: yeah i got it
brendan: espn classic right now
brendan: olde school
matt: wh
matt: you already know who is going to win!
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December 9th, 2004
04:50 pm
brendan: my laptop is on my lap...do you think it really matters?
...
matt: does what matter?
brendan: you didn't hear? it seems it causes infertility
brendan: its on cnn, drudge today
matt: anything that causes your balls to warm unnaturally will kill sperm
matt: everyone knows that.
brendan: yeah, well apparently its official
brendan: (dove)
matt: i cant believe dimebag darrell is dead.
brendan: i don't know who he is, but yeah that was terrible - it could have been a lot worse i guess
matt: what? hes DEAD
brendan: like more people could have been killed...
brendan: there are other people in the world other than "dimebag darrell"
brendan: ...or it could have been jonny buckland up there...
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May 13th, 2004
03:59 pm
simon: i just heard a rumor that Gwyneth had her baby
simon: i can't confirm it though
brendan: ooo yeah i knew she was having it some time soon
brendan: wow...do you think they'll make a new holiday for the birth of this baby?
brendan: its really almost as landbreaking as the birth of Christ
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May 12th, 2004
10:16 pm
brendan: me = cold cuts
brendan: salami??
brendan: me = puked in somebody's toilet...i dont know who's house it was
brendan: salamone
brendan: ham
brendan: pricuttp
brendan: o
brendan: turkey
brendan: bologna
brendan: [e[[erpmo
brendan: pepperoni
brendan: oberni!?!?!
brendan: me=trashes
brendan: please post this on brendansays
brendan: ...note time
[8:03 PM]
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May 5th, 2004
12:31 am
Brendan: matt, i've come to a realization of something
Brendan: and i think you should know my feelings
Matt: uh oh.
Brendan: ...my computer is a p.o.s.
Matt: LOL
Matt: hey, it got you through college.
Brendan: yeah!
Brendan: that was the goal
Matt: it may have dragged itself kicking and screaming to the finish line, but it made it.
Matt: win98 LOL
Brendan: you know it!
Brendan: it really has been kicking and screaming lately
Brendan: i really like my keyboard though...i wanna get this keyboard put on whatever computer i may get in the future
Matt: it's just a thinkpad, right?
Brendan: yeah
Matt: why don't you just get another thinkpad.
Matt: my dad's got one, they are great.
Brendan: yeah, my brother has an awesome one...
Brendan: its like a barry bonds version of this computer
Brendan: ...this computer is like the craig cousel of IBMs
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May 4th, 2004
11:29 pm
menden: who is GbBrOnCoWm05?
menden: >>>
menden: ???
matt: no idea
menden: GbBrOnCoWm05: hey what's up?
Brendan: wha happen?
* * *
menden: who is GbBrOnCoWm05???!??!!?
matt: brb phone
* * *
menden: hey, do you know who GbBrOnCoWm05 is?!
matt: NO NO NO stop asking me that.
menden: oh sorry
menden: i don't rmember if i had asked you
menden: oo it was online earlier tonihgt!
menden: i'll have to do some seriuos work on that
matt: what was online?
menden: Gb Bronco WOman 15
menden: ...at least i think thats what it stands fo
menden: r
matt: ok...
matt: i thought it was brown cow.
matt: but i guess yours makes more sense
menden: i really have no idea
matt: Green Bay Bronco Woman 05?
menden: yeah maybe
menden: its like totally out of the da vinci code
menden: decyphering screennames
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April 30th, 2004
11:08 pm - briznendan siznays
Brendan: wow brendansays has 3 entries
Brendan: you gotta respect sway though
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10:49 pm - dat shit smells like hare
............What song/band............
Reminds you of an ex-love:
Pete Yorn – On Your Side
Reminds you of your best friends:
Oasis - Wonderwall
Makes you cry:
I can only pick one?!?!
Oh Holy Night…I’m sorry, it does. So deal with it.
Or Brian Eno – An Ending (Ascent) when its before a Coldplay show
I DID cry the first time I heard Sigur Ros - #4 (untitled)
Makes you laugh:
Ben Folds Five – Black T-Shirt
Reminds you of the one you once wanted:
SportsCenter Theme song (you think you know, but you have no idea)
You wish you wrote:
Simon & Garfunkel – Sound of Silence
You never want to hear again:
Juan Luis Guerra - No He Podido Verte
Tune you want to get married to:
Ben Folds – The Luckiest
You used to hate but now love:
Radiohead – Climbing Up The Walls
You'd like to wake up to:
Doves - Words
You like out of your parent's record collection:
Donovan – Troubadour
Soundtrack – Waking Ned Divine
You love that you wouldn't know about if it wasn't for a friend:
Ben Kweller – In Other Words
You sing in the shower:
…because I’m never alone in the shower (yeah right!….well, yeah, exactly)
Whatever I wake up with in my head (usually Coldplay - The Scientist)
You sing when you're alone:
Travis – Humpty Dumpty Love Song
You love the video more than the tune:
Richard Aschroft – Buy it in Bottles
Reminds you of your first crush (ie Molly):
Elton John – Tiny Dancer
You love which is from a movie:
Air – Alone in Kyoto
Makes you think of the moon:
Oasis – Supersonic
Makes you think of stars:
Doves – Sulpher Man
Makes you think of the sun :
The Flaming Lips – Its Summertime
Makes you think of the night:
Jeff Buckley – Last Goodbye
Makes you think of sex:
Travis – U16 Girls
Makes you think of being alone:
Jump (Little Children) - Cathedrals
Has only been released recently but you love already:
Ben Kweller – On My Way
Makes you think negatively of the Press:
Stereophonics – Mr. Writer
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10:30 pm
dogmycats: is liz's apt going to open up?! that'd be a cool place to live
dogmycats: but its in a shitty location in terms of transprt
dogmycats: that shit smells like hare
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10:03 pm
matt: Republicans Drive Big Rig Into Heart Of NY To Register Voters
menden: i see
menden: ....
menden: i bet gideon yago has something to say about this
matt: hahaha
menden: you've gotta think sway is against it as well
matt: i would pay insane amounts of money to be gideon for a day
menden: hahah
menden: he is such a tool
matt: yeah he is!
matt: sway is great though
matt: yo, this is sway!
menden: oh man, you gotta respect sway
menden: and suchin pak! audi?
matt: ew god
menden: haha
menden: no!
matt: she is the anti-audi
menden: the vw?
matt: no, shes' like.. the opel or something
* * *
menden: OOOOOOOhhhhhhh Lisa Ling on MSNBC National Geographic *ejaculates*
matt: ew ew ew ew are you shitting me
matt: she's uglier than sin
menden: she is such an audi
menden: although i think elisabeth is a better look for the view
matt: lisa ling is the anti-audi
matt: ugaley
menden: we were talking about an anit-audi the other day i think
menden: i cant find it on my log, though
matt: ha, i don't remember
menden: you had a name for a really shitty european car
matt: oh oh
matt: lisa ling is an opel.
menden: ha yes!!!!!
* * *
matt: guess who was named one of people's 50 most beautiful people
menden: benjamin bratt?
matt: no
matt: suchin fucking pak.
menden: (y)
matt: UGH!
menden: oh wait, i thought you were talking about michelle wie
menden: who is GbBrOnCoWm05?
menden: >>>
menden: ???
matt: no idea
matt: michelle wie ? no no we were totally talking abotu suchin pak the other day
menden: GbBrOnCoWm05: hey what's up?
Brendan: wha happen?
matt: didn't she start the whole "opel" thing?!
matt: hahhaha
matt: mighty wind?
menden: no, i think it was an actor, not a female golger
menden: fer
matt: michelle wie is hot
menden: hahaha, i just released a mighty wind
matt: we were t-
matt: LOL
menden: she is an audi
matt: shut up
matt: michelle wie is an audi
matt: suchin pak is an opel
menden: yes!
menden: hold on
menden: no, thats lisa ling!!!!!!!!
matt: lisa ling was the 2nd
matt: much later.
menden: haha. i meant michelle wie, i'm sorry
matt: i'm all about michelle wie, it's so wrong
menden: i get those asian beothches mixed up
menden: i'ma call you josh
matt: why?
menden: because strong bad says so
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April 29th, 2004
05:52 pm
menden: i'm finished with everything
time to commence boozing
matt: everything?
menden: everything.
matt: well, hot damn
menden: all i've got to do is turn this paper in tomorrow
matt: didn't i tell you? kim!
menden: (n)
matt: ??
menden: thumbs down to kim
menden: you know it
menden: even though we won?
matt: yeah, well kim got the win
matt: wake pitched two innings of relief, got you a hold!
matt: that's five points
menden: wow sweet
menden: kim is going to give this organization a world of hurt
menden: mark my words
matt: so you're only like 345 back from me now
menden: (dove)
menden: lowe's pitchin tonight
matt: yeah.. lot of pressure!
menden: \\
matt: 32 inning scoreless streak by sox pitching!!
matt: \\ that
menden: damn girl!
menden: *snap* *snap* *snap*
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April 26th, 2004
12:15 am
menden: did you listen to the final disc??
matt: i was in the car... sorry .....
matt: how did it go
menden: oh it was good, ...very moving
menden: we played ben folds "the luckiest" for the last song :'(
matt: ha, god
matt: i hate that song, but it's a tearjerker.
menden: how can you hate it?!
menden: it really is
matt: i'm sorry, it's so bad
menden: matt and i were like almost crying together in the booth
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